I'm sorry this has taken so long to post. I have tried a few times to write about my experience at the walk, but seem to have writer's block. Maybe I just needed some time to process things. I've written and edited, and saved this. And realized what's the point if I don't share it with everyone.
At the end, I've included a link to my photos of the Overnight Walk, as well some other links about the walk. I uploaded most of the pictures on Facebook. But for those of you who aren't on Facebook, I created an album online. I tend to take random pictures. I hope however that the set of photos will tell a story (even if many are blurry), and give a glimpse into what you all contributed.
Around 2,000 people participated in the walk, and $2.5 million was raised for the foundation. AFSP did a spectacular job of organizing the event. I mean over the top. Kudos to them. The night's focus wasn't about feeling sad and distraught, it was about giving hope for the future- hope to help others, raise awareness, and eliminate suicide. It was about remembering and celebrating those who are no longer here with us. It was about being together as a community, and I certainly did feel that throughout the night. At one of the first support groups I went to, someone said that it's like [you] belong to this club, and it's one of the worst clubs to belong to. I understand what she meant now. I find it comforting to feel understood and that helps.
I arrived at Cadman Plaza around 3 on Saturday afternoon and met Chris Lai near the volunteer tents. From there he and I registered for the walk. It was super fast and easy. AFSP had tents set up around the park for memory beads, luminaria, memory quilts, and information. Throughout the afternoon Katie, Emily, Anthony, and Jeannie showed up, and I handed out our team shirts for everyone to wear, and we decorated our luminaria. We walked around the neighborhood to find some food to give us energy before our long walk and sat on the lawn and talked. I'm really glad I got to share something like this with Katie, Emily, Jeannie, Anthony, and Lai. I'm also sooo happy that Chris's mom Elise and Aunt Kathy came for the ceremony. It was moving to be together with so many other survivors of suicide. We also had some friends come for support- Jim, Hess, Joanna, Erin, and John.
The lawn was filled with people by the time the ceremony began. I couldn't believe the turnout. The director of the foundation spoke, followed by Maril Hemingway. Then a parent, spouse, child, friend, relative, and advocate each came up on stage to represent everyone who was walking. As they stood in front of the crowd, their stories and reasons for walking were told. It was definitely one of the more emotional times of the night. I think because this event had so many expectations to me, and so much was happening all night, I didn't have as much time to reflect as I thought. There were some moments during the walk where things hit me, but a lot of the time was about pushing forward to make it the whole way and to find some positivity and enjoyment in the night.
We began our walk at 7:40 pm. With the huge rush of people and beautiful views of Manhattan, our time in Brooklyn started out slowly. Once we crossed the Brooklyn Bridge, we began to pick up the pace. I met many people along the walk, each of us taking time to tell the other why we were walking and share part of our story. We had someone walk with us for awhile who had come to the walk by herself, and she was walking for herself. To me, that takes a lot of courage. I know it must have been proud night for her and her family.
It was a bittersweet feeling. As I walked around the city, I remembered the places I had been with Chris and the memories we had shared together. He took me to the driving range at Chelsea Piers. The Frying Pan. Our visit to the Intrepid to see the airplanes. I surprised him with tickets to the Top of the Rock in Rockefeller Center. Our lunch dates in Bryant Park near his office, going clothes shopping at Macy's for his birthday. Madison Square Park was pretty much where we had last lived. The first summer we met, Union Square was our halfway meeting place. I remember sitting on the benches together there on summer nights. We went to a haunted house in SoHo for Halloween. At the end of last summer, we walked along Mulberry Street in Little Italy for the San Gennero Festival and ate fried everything. And many more memories in New York with Chris. It was after all our home together, and my home for 7 years. I know many of you have great memories of Chris both in NYC and elsewhere.
We had our own mini-cheering station as we walked up the West Side Highway. Hess, Joanna, Erin, Jim, John, Brian, Martha, Mike, and Dave all came to cheer us on. Great friends! We definitely took advantage of the all the water and snack breaks along the way-and there were a lot. We were provided a meal at midnight and a chance to rest. No one wanted to stop for too long in fear that our muscles would tighten up, and we would lose energy. We met some great volunteers from Team Tommy Fuss who were very spirited and encouraging. (Good peanut butter graham cracker sandwiches too.) Surprisingly my legs and feet didn't bother me, even after we finished the 18 miles. More so, I was tired from being up all night. By the time we arrived in Brooklyn at the finish line, it was around 3:20 and the temperature had dropped quite a bit. Breakfast was waiting for everyone along with foil blankets for warmth, and first aid tents to help the fatigued and blistered. Unfortunately they ran out of the blankets by the time we got there so we sat in Cadman Plaza, cold and slightly delirious until the closing ceremony. The path leading back to the park was lined with luminaria. As I looked for mine, I remember staring down at the lit bags one after the other, in disbelief of the reality of how many people are lost to suicide and how many more people are left to try and understand it.
The night went by rather fast, except maybe toward the end as I was getting tired. In a way I didn't want the walk to end. It was a good place to be with everyone and gave me an uplifted feeling in those moments, and I am trying to keep that feeling with me always. Thank you to everyone who donated, and made it possible for myself and my teammates to walk. Thank you for supporting the foundation and remembering Chris. Next year: San Francisco. There are also smaller community walks organized all over the country. Unfortunately, I will be in NY the weekend of my local walk. But the support group I attend plans on having a Candlelight Vigil sometime in September. I think I may even design t-shirts for that.
Here are some links, including the one to my photos. Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk has a lot of good personal stories and articles posted on their Facebook page.
Also, I'm happy to say that I am still walking almost everyday. And I've decided to start blogging about my life here in Alabama. So if anyone is interested in following and seeing what I am up to from day to day- Appreciating Alabama: Seven Years Later. The design and concept are still in the works. :)
